


Pot Holes and Rusted Signs

by Ninarweems



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Depression, I Love You, I'm Sorry Castiel, M/M, Memories, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 16:12:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13193739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninarweems/pseuds/Ninarweems
Summary: Castiel visits his favorite place.





	Pot Holes and Rusted Signs

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize but my mind is stuck in permanent sad mode.

Castiel looked out the window as the trees whipped by, the shades of green becoming one. He could feel the power roaring from under the hood of Baby as his foot pressed down on the accelerator. The pavement beneath him was riddled with pot holes but he didn't pay them any mind. He didn't have it in him to care. 

Even though he'd stopped listening a long time ago, the radio blared Dean's favorite mix tape, the one with Led Zeppelin's greatest hits. It was the only tape that had been played in the last couple months. Castiel didn't have the heart to change it. Besides, the music had kind of grown on him. 

Despite the passing of time, the Impala looked exactly as it always had. Castiel made sure it was in pristine shape at all times. He knew Dean would kill him if he didn't. 

That thought brought a small smile to Cas' lips. 

It had been so long since Castiel had smiled. Smiling required happiness, a feeling that Castiel hadn't felt in years. In fact, all he ever felt was numb. Numb to the world, to the pain, to the emptiness. He had stopped caring a long time ago. Ultimately, he had no purpose. He hadn't heard from heaven in what felt like forever. He was practically human. In fact, only a small part of his grace was still intact. Enough to keep him from aging. How fucking great was that? He was useless but he still got to watch everyone that ever meant something to him, die. 

A particularly large pot hole brought him out of his self wallowing and his eyes focused on the road again. He was almost there. Maybe ten more minutes. 

Castiel managed to make it through three of the songs on the tape before he was pulling into his destination. He took a deep breath before stepping out of the vehicle. The minute his feet touched the gravel, he felt like weeping. 

The house was a sight for sore eyes. Granted, it hadn't seen a living soul in almost two decades. The paint had begun chipping long ago, and the wood was weather worn. The steps sagged in the middle and whined in protest as Cas made his way up. The door was locked but Castiel was the only person with a key. 

The inside was exactly as he remembered. The only difference was the layer of dust that coated everything. Looking around, Cas was overwhelmed with memories. 

He saw Sam and Dean arguing on the couch. He saw Bobby nursing his whiskey behind the desk. He even saw Crowley being his usual self in the kitchen. 

He could see the sixty years of life that went on in that house. The pain was out shadowed by the love. Yes, Bobby lost Karen in this home, but he gained two incredible boys. He made a family for himself, and he was kind enough to include a wayward angel. 

Castiel had about all he could take of the house. He walked outside and made his way to the other side of the property. There was a rusted sign that read "Singer Salvage" located above what was left of the shop. 

The years had not been kind to the building. The roof had fallen in years ago, and the walls were rotted. The sight made Cas' heart clench. 

Nothing was as it used to be. He could still remember what Dean looked like in his blue coveralls that he wore when helping Bobby. He remembered how Dean always smelled like motor oil and his face was always smeared with black. He could easily picture Bobby calling Dean an idjit when Dean would do something wrong. Castiel looked around with sadness in his eyes. 

It was all over. It had been for some time. Nineteen years to be exact. It had been nineteen years since a Winchester walked this earth. And even longer since a Singer had. 

It had all seemed like a nightmare at first. That's what it had to be, right? They couldn't be gone. He refused to believe it. The only problem was, he never woke up. He'd lived that nightmare for almost twenty years now. 

This was his reality now. He was doomed to live in a world without the people he loved. And God, did he love the Winchesters. He loved Sam's nerdiness and his obsession with anything kale. He loved Sam for the way he took care of everyone. Sam was the brother he never really had. 

And Dean, well he sure as fuck loved him. There wasn't a thing about that man that Castiel hadn't come to love. He loved Dean's obsession with classic rock and cheesy horror films. He loved the way that Dean would risk anything for family. He loved Dean's soft smiles and joyful laugh. In the simplest terms, he had been in love with Dean. Hell, he still was, just like he always would be. 

And that's what killed him the most, wasn't it? He had come to know what love from the Winchester had felt like. It wasn't perfect in other people's eyes, but it was perfect for him. He was lucky enough to carry that love for almost ten years. Unfortunately, that was all the two were able to share. Ten amazing years. And while it was painful to think about, Cas wouldn't trade a single moment. 

Cas glanced up at the sky. The stars shone so clear and bright in the night. The autumn breeze ruffled the bottom of his trench coat as he made his way back to the Impala. The engine roared and Zeppelin started on its continuous loop as Castiel took one more look around. 

The angel smiled as he backed out of the driveway. While, he missed his family more than anything, he also knew he'd never truly be alone. How could he be, when he was surrounded by things that reminded him of his favorite people? 

He was heart broken, of that he was sure, but he never went a moment without the love of his Winchesters. 

And for that, he lived.

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't hate me. Thank you for reading!
> 
> Love, 
> 
> Nina Weems


End file.
